Anna Begins
by kandyfanz123
Summary: He promised himself that he could be just the random hookup guy, yeah well he sure stuck to that one. 'But every time she sneezes i believe it's love and Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sorta thing.' Kandy at Berkeley! Please review! Complete.
1. Prologue: Overly Concerned

**Yay! Its finally summer, so I would like to hereby instate my first summer fic! This one is based on the song "Anna Begins" by Counting Crows, truly amazing, if you ask me. Lol. So yeah, this is another spin of Sandy and Kirsten meeting at Berkeley, and if you can believe it, a little less fluffy, and hopefully a little more substance! Most people write them as getting together when kirsten was the one who needed to be saved, but what if it was the other way around? If it helps you at all, anna is not anna... lol. **

**Prologue: Overly concerned **

Sure, he had thought he met "the girl" of the story over three fateful months ago in that pleasant shabbiness of an overly capacitated bar on a busy Saturday night. He was, of course, staring at the lean brunette with the double D's and exchanging glances of disbelief at his friend Charlie, who's pompous ass had assured his buddy that _he_, in fact, would be the first one to have had fun with _that one _by the end of the night.

Sandy Cohen took another swig of his cheap beer before telling himself for the umpteenth time that he, indubitably, was over Rebecca Bloom. There was no way that he could be with a woman who was God knows where and hadn't even said goodbye when she'd taken off.

Besides, college was all about living on the edge, having fun with your friends, not being tied down and whipped in some virtually betrothed engagement. Sure, Rebecca was practically perfect in every way-- probably related to Mary Poppins, but maybe it was just better off this way. Sandy had, for the zillionth time promised himself that he could be the hook-up guy, not the love-of-your-life guy. He did NOT need the perfect woman to depend on, but at the same time, have to be responsible for. He did the relationship thing. As good as it was to feel taken care of, the deed had to be returned. He spent most of his time with Rebecca the past years that they had dated. Yes, sometimes he had never been happier, but mostly it was picking up the mess, fixing what went wrong, and defending everything that they had together. The endless work was more exhausting than the love was worth. College kids, especially this college kid,did not need to tied down like that.

Charlie patted his back quickly, not really paying attention to Sandy who grabbed another beer, and so Charlie made his drunken waddle over to the brunette. He started laughing to himself, and had trouble standing up without the help of the back of an occupied chair. The brunette started to laugh at _Sir Charles_, a name that he insisted he was called on any outing where needy women may be involved. Charlie smiled, and took a dramatic bow, before hitting his head HARD on the wobbly wooden table in front of him. Sandy, of course, rushed to his side, smiling at the girls and tried to help his friend out of a potentially more embarrassing situation.

"Sandy stop it," Charlie whispered, in a surprisingly sober manner.

"C'mon, let's get you out of here." Sandy coaxed as if he was addressing a puppy who was not yet housebroken.

"No, play along, go for the brunette." Charlie continued, smiling through his teeth. Sandy's smile faded, he really wasn't in the mood, despite what his 'inner honesty' was telling him.

"Hi there, ladies, Sandy Cohen." Sandy stuck a padded palm toward the mass of hairspray that was drinking their effeminate 'hard' liquor. The brunette smiled, and did the signature hair twirl.

_Ok, so she's interested. _Sandy thought, and sat down. The brunette, who introduced herself as Becca, offered a seat next to her blond friend, Jennifer.

_Brunette Becca,_ Sandy thought to himself, as he shared and "Ironic!" glance with Charlie. _Well isn't that just FANTASTIC! I bet she is just practically perfect in every way. _

"I'm Sir Char-" Charlie let out a bearish belch. "les. But most people call me Charlie. My good buddy San…saanfuuurd…" he pretended to slur, "are just coming from his opening night of the FINE production of _Grease._"

"Your-in-duh-rama?" Jennifer said in her best impression of valley-girl voice, as if the word drama had three syllables, while Charlie smiled and nodded proudly, clapping a hand on Sandy's shoulder.

Sandy stood up quickly and offered another round of beers.

"Uhh, you're kidding right? You know what," Becca said, standing up, and using her left index finger to outline the crew cut 'collar' of Sandy's blue tee, and swirling her finger around a chest hair that stuck out of the top of his shirt. " How about _you_, and _I_, go _do_ something _else_. Spend a little time _alone_…" she stated, hardly above a whisper.

"Umm… I would, except I worry about ol' Charlie here, getting home ok, you know, how about--" Charlie rolled his eyes.

"Ugh… never mind then. C'mon ladies, let's go." Immediately the room was relieved of the stench of the hairspray and effeminate liquor.

Sandy sat down next to Charlie, who belched again, right in Sandy's face.

"C'mon. Let's go." Sandy said, looking defeated at his friend.

"Hey. Sandy, cheer up dude-- don't worry. You'll get over her eventually. Once you learn how to play the field a bit, you won't even miss the whole relationship thing. Trust me, it's totally worth it." Charlie reassured him.

_Bite me. _Sandy thought to himself. He pulled Charlie out of his seat, and the two made a beeline for the door. Sandy pushed his dark hair out of his face. His muscular build was necessary in dragging Charlie out of the bar, and out onto the busy street near the Berkeley campus. He hailed a cab, and through dilated pupils he saw the world pass him by in the span of a night. How much longer was it going to take for him to feel back on track with his life?

_My friend assures me, _

_"It's all or nothing."  
I am not worried I am not overly concerned  
My friend implores me, _

_"For one time only, make an exception." _

_I am not worried_


	2. Shade of Gray

_My friend assures me, _

_"It's all or nothing."  
I am not worried I am not overly concerned  
My friend implores me, _

_"For one time only, make an exception." _

_I am not worried_**  
**

And damn it he was frustrated. He had spent hours poring over his law books for the finals. Yes, he had nearly aced it. He had no interruptions. No one called him, or came by to see him, that was, other than Charlie. But dear old Charlie had found that he was wrong about relationships being nothing but work. He had found himself a very nice red-head named Claire, and the two were practically inseparable. Charlie was a good guy, and he often invited Sandy along with the two of them, but Sandy figured that he was just better off alone. And so he was alone. And damn it he was frustrated.

He missed her, so damn much, it literally hurt him physically. He missed everything about her, and everything about himself when was with her. He was crazy about her, and as much as he thought that the work outweighed the love, he was ten times as wrong.

The phone rang. _Five bucks it's Charlie_. Sandy thought to himself.

"Hello?" he answered, after grabbing the receiver. He tried his best to sound somewhat enlightened.

"Hey dude. What's up. Finals are over… huh? HUH? Claire's gone for some function with her family and I thought you and I could have a guys weekend, get wasted, have a good time? What d'ya say?" Charlie reeled all in one breath.

"Umm how's Claire going to feel about that?" replied Sandy in a sensible tone.

"Who are you, my mother? It's not like either one of us is going to tell her. Besides, I'm worried about you. You are spending waayy to much time on school." Charlie coaxed.

"Charlie, first of all, it's school, that's the point of being here in the first place. Secondly, don't not tell your girlfriend. That's a set up for disaster. Believe me, I would know." Sandy argued.

"Ok, fine, you win. I just hate to see my best friend in pain. Don't say you aren't. Look, I know you tried just getting with other random girls and that didn't work, so why don't you just start looking for someone that you enjoy. Someone to spend time with, make you laugh, or here's an idea, someone you can make laugh. You're hilarious, and talented, Sandy. Please, just give it a shot. You may find that you may actually be happy and over her." Charlie pleaded.

"I just don't think I can do that. I'll talk to you later. Tell Claire I said hello." Sandy hung up the phone and clicked on the television. Because he was not about to make himself more depressed with daytime soaps. Coffee would be a good fix. He grabbed his worn wallet and threw on a semi-clean shirt and some tacky sandals.

Trampling down the stairs, he pushed his mop of hair away from his eyes, and pushed the door open. He squinted into the sunlight, a bit angry at the world he was stuck inside of. After walking around to the other side of the block and paying for his small coffee, and was on his way to turn around and drink it and WHAM. Something hit him, or rather, _someone _hit him. The girl of the story. A mess of long blond hair gasped and looked down at her cream colored, and now cream and brown splotted top.

"Oh, my, I- I'm so sorry, um I- here, let me help you, here…" he offered her a napkin.

"It's no problem…" she replied sarcastically annoyed.

"Do you want a sweatshirt or something?" Sandy offered politely.

"In the 95 degree weather? Thanks a bunch." the girl responded.

"How about a t-shirt or something?" he attempted a second time.

"I can walk all 8 blocks back to my apartment, and be nearly 30 minutes late for my job interview, it's no problem." she spilled out.

"I'm really sorry, is there anything I can do?" Sandy said, annoyed.

"I think you've done enough, thank you very much." the girl snapped, and then pulled her purse a little higher onto her shoulder. She brushed passed him, and down the street.

For the first time in a long time, Sandy found himself staring at a woman walking down the street-- from behind. She had great legs, accentuated by clicking designer heels and a professional skirt, but with a not-so-professional slit in the back. He watched the sway of her hips, a natural back and forth, while she tried to race along the side walk while getting rid of her coffee stain. _His _coffee stain. Sandy smiled to himself. That girl was kinda hot when she was mad.

He retreated up to his room, and the phone rang as soon as he got there.

"Hello?"

"Sanford. Party. You, me, tonight with plenty of girls to go around." Charlie blared into the phone.

"And Claire said what about this?"

"Well, I asked her," _shocking _Sandy thought to himself. "and she said that it was for a good cause" _Great. Now I'm a cause. _"and I guess she 'trusts' me or whatever so it's all good. I promise." Sandy snorted to himself.

"Fine. If you insist." he finally gave in.

"Fantastic! Great. Sandy, you won't regret it. I'll see you tonight."

"Bye." he hung up the phone and headed to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, he saw how much older and aged he looked, even for a college kid. It was just the stress of law school, not loneliness, right?

"You have freaking frown lines dude." Charlie had told him once.

_I have to try. Otherwise I will be an old cat man. That's even worse. _

10:00 rolled around and the Sandy and Charlie were at the party. Charlie made a beeline for the keg and Sandy followed him, not really knowing anyone. A flock of girls followed Sandy.

A few hours later, Sandy had picked and weeded through the flock, tactfully getting rid of the annoying ditzy girls, the mean ones, the ones who immediately asked him upstairs, and narrowed his group of three or four to a few good conversationalists. Mind you, they were all very drunk.

All of a sudden, Carrie, a thin brunette with silky tan skin got up, and ran over to the door, hugging someone and squealing in excitement. The beautiful blond that Carrie released from her embrace was none other than the cream and brown splotted girl with the nice legs.

Sandy's jaw dropped open, he got up from the couch, marched over to her, offering her a drink, acting much more debonair than he had that afternoon, and offered her a drink. She gladly accepted, and the two went off to a secluded corner of the room and began having a deep conversation about their pasts and families that got only got deeper with each trip to the keg. Eventually they stopped talking and started making out.

_God Cohen, shut up, get that stupid voice out of your head, yeah like she's going to be interested in the depressedlaw studentwho spilled coffee all over her. _

No, in reality, his jaw just dropped open.

Carrie dragged the girl over to the couch. Seeing no way to compete with the look Sandy was giving this girl, given her radiant beauty, all of the girls got up and split for separate areas of the room. Sandy hardly even noticed, Carrie, however did.

"Hi, Kirsten Nichol." the blond offered a hand to Sandy. He didn't respond right away. She obviously didn't recognize him as the guy that spilled coffee on her. That had to have been her, right?

"Uhh, Hi, Sandy Cohen, here sit? If you want? Did you get a drink, here I'll--"

"Thanks. Here," she said, grabbing drinks out of a random drunk person's hands, handing one plastic red cup to Sandy. She took a delicate sip, and tried her hardest to ingest with minimal looks of disgust, the concoction in her cup. She hiccoughed a bit. Sandy just shook his head and laughed. "So. Tell me about yourself." she continued shrewdly.

"Well, I'm twenty-two, I'm in my first year of law school, I was Danny in Berkeley's _Grease_ the past semester…" he started listing off.

_Damnit why is this so hard. She's hot. I can't believe she doesn't remember me from today. Crazy… God, I'm not ready for this. Screw Charlie and his big ideas. He's probably off getting laid somewhere. Poor Claire. God, there's a beautiful woman sitting right in front of me. Shit, she just did the hair twirl. What do I do now? I can't even speak. Damnit usually when I see a girl this beautiful I can't shut up. Now when I really could use that I just sit here like a mute. Cohen shut up in your head. Talk. Think suave, debonair, be cool…_

"That's not what I meant." Kirsten responded. She put her hand on his knee, and scooted closer forward towards him. Sandy felt every nerve in his entire body stand on end.

"Well I'm Jewish, my dad walked out on us when I was like nine.. My mom is a total nut. She's a workaholic, she's a social worker back in the Bronx, I've got a brother and a sister. Moved to Berkeley when I was sixteen, I'm still getting over a long relationship, and I hate pickles. Oh, I love surfing. I picked that up when I moved here. Something about getting your ass kicked and your mouth all salty by mother nature…" Kirsten let out a small giggle. She smiled at him and pushed a strand of hair away from her face.

Carrie knew that Kirsten wanted to be set up with someone, well Exhibit A sits right in front of you! Sandy seemed like a nice guy. He was a bit crazy when it came to speaking in run-on sentences, but she guessed that it was part of his charm. She wanted more than anything for Kirsten to fall for someone like that.

Someone completely opposite of her.

It wasn't that Kirsten wasn't charming, it was just that at first she was a refined beauty sitting by herself in the corner of the room. Being her best friend, she knew that the unleashed Kirsten was nothing of the sort. In addition to having quite a hollow leg, she was hyper when she was happy.

She had a great laugh when someone told a joke that was really making her laugh. She was Caleb Nichol's daughter. She had grown up with a tough exterior, and she only showed her vulnerable side to those that she completely trusted.

And of course, she was beautiful. Her glassy blue eyes seemed to hold a secret that Kirsten didn't really understand herself. Her golden blond hair reeled attention from anyone. Her button nose was slender, and sat symmetrically above cherry lips that curled mischievously to uncover smooth shiny teeth. Her voice was calm, rather soothing and angelic. She had a small, but perfectly proportionate and goddess-like figure. Her stride was elegant, and was irrepressibly classy. Her beauty was the first noticeable thing that made her attractive.

Yes, Sandy seemed like a great guy. He was charming, but he was gentlemanly, and not an overly self-confident individual, which actually struck her as a sign of maturity. The lines around his eyes told her had known a lot of different things in his life time. Someone who knew the world would want to protect a girl like Kirsten from it. She had decided to get up from her seat on the couch so that she could give possibly the best relationship ever a chance to unfold. It seemed to be working. She turned around, and they were gone.

"So why did you want to come outside?" Sandy asked a sweatshirt-clad Kirsten.

"Well it got kind of hot in there… and I just felt like taking a walk under the stars…" she looked up at the sky. She threw her arms out and spun herself around, throwing her blond head back in a laugh. Suddenly she let out a random sneeze. She fell to the ground in an infectious laughter, followed by Sandy. Her laugh was nearly musical.

He was laying next to her on the grass when the sprinklers came on. Immediately she shrieked and got up as quickly as possible. Too late, she was already wet.

Sandy didn't move. He just lay there, watching her freak out, and found himself laughing at her.

She offered him a hand to help him up. He gladly accepted and stood up, his 6'2" towering over her 5'6".

She placed her hands on his broad chest and he clasped her small hands and held them close to him. They went in together, and their first kiss ensued. And damn, he was beginning not to be so frustrated.

_Wrap her up in a package of lies  
Send her off to a coconut island  
I am not worried I am not overly concerned with the status of my emotions  
"Oh," she says, "you're changing."  
But we're always changing_

_It does not bother me to say this isn't love  
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love  
And I guess I'm going to have to live with that  
But I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey,  
Something in between,  
And I can always change my name  
If that's what you mean_


	3. The Things You Try to Tell Yourself

**Disclaimer- if I owned these characters the show would be a whole lot better than this pathetic season was!**

**Ok since we already know how this ends, why don't we use it to scare you about the middle?**

"God dammit Claire! Fine… Don't listen-- Ok, ok, I get it…. Yeah, well you're not exactly my favorite person either right now…Yeah. Got it… Have a nice life. What? No, baby, of course not. Love you too, honey, bye." Charlie hung up the phone, and sighed deeply.

"What was that about? Sandy asked, laughing.

"She's just riding that damn crimson wave again. It'll be clear in, three more days." Charlie concluded after doing some math in his head. "Women, I tell ya. I mean you give them what they want, but of course, that's not what they really wanted. What they tell you that they want is NATURALLY to obvious. So-much-work. Want-to-die." he mumbled slamming his head lightly onto Sandy's kitchen table.

"Women." they said together, Sandy shaking his head, and Charlie still hitting his head on the table.

"I was right before man," Charlie spoke. "Don't get in too deep. It will bite you before it helps you. I've seen you and Kirsten- you're getting a little attached. Get out while you still can. That's my advice."

"We are not serious at all- its just a fling- I don't even know if she's gonna come tonight. We're casual like that." Sandy defended

"Uh-huh…" Charlie nodded sarcastically.

There was a knock on the door and Sandy jumped after the first touch of knuckles to wood. He opened the door to Kirsten, who he had been seeing now for a few weeks.

"Hey." he began with a kiss.

"Hey yourself." Kirsten looked over to the table where Charlie was still hitting his head on the table and muttering to himself. "What's with him?" Kirsten asked, pointing to Charlie.

"Nothing. He's praying to whatever God he can name, or that will listen and make his girlfriend's menstrual cycle be gone." Sandy stated.

"Well if he figures it out, tell him to let me know." she said, taking one more look at Charlie.

"Will do. So. Are we studying or not?" Sandy asked, taking her hand, and leading her to the couch.

"Well," she started, her voice becoming softer, "I was hoping that we could just spend a little time alone, here, you know…" she whispered, giving him a seductive grin.

"Ok!" Sandy said, his voice nearly squeaking. "Charlie get lost!" he shouted.

"What! Guys, come on, at least hold off on the making out until I have a good five seconds to gather my crap and make a dramatic exit!" Charlie pleaded.

"Bye Charlie." Kirsten said, as he waddled out the door, carrying dirty laundry, books and his food out the door.

"So. Where were we?" Kirsten began, threading her fingers together with Sandy's and kissing him quickly.

"Umm, I think we were right about to talk about--" Sandy said in a low voice.

"No we weren't. You were about to keep kissing me." she corrected in a stern voice, but smiling.

"Oh, yeah, right--" Sandy said, before Kirsten grabbed him by the collar and pulled his lips to hers. She situated herself so she was at a forty-five degree angle to the couch, with Sandy laying over her. He cradled the small of her back with one hand, and continued to smile into her kiss.

"So," Kirsten began, in between kisses, "what do you want" kiss "to do" kiss "tonight?" kiss.

"This."

"Good. Cus I'm not really in the mood for food."

"Hey! You just rhymed!" Kirsten started laughing at his little boyish remark.

"Shhhh."

"Ok, I'm glad we're not getting dinner. I didn't make reservations…"

"Ahh, he surfs, he sings, and he can read minds… I wonder, will he shut up?" she asked him bluntly.

"Anything for you, my dear." he said, and continued to kiss her.

He could do this, the mild-relationship. It wasn't like they were getting married tomorrow- he had all the time in the world. They weren't going to quickly and he didn't feel like he needed to commit to being a perfect boyfriend any time soon. And the best part, Kirsten was perfect for getting over Rebecca. He had all the time in the world…

_-Flash Forward like 20-some-odd years-_

"Fine. Ok. I'll see you soon. Yeah. Well, that's the way it's been going for me lately. Bye Summer." Seth hung up the phone and sat down miserably at the barstool next to the granite countertop.

"MO-OM" Seth shouted. Kirsten entered the kitchen immediately, and headed over to the coffee pot, helping herself to a mug.

"Seth, I can hear you just fine, I'm not deaf yet, what's the matter?"

"I need a ride to school. Summer's mad at me."

"Why is she mad? What did you do this time?" Kirsten asked.

"Why do you just assume it was something _I _did. I could be mad at her for something." Seth defended.

"Honey, come on. What did you do?" she responded bluntly.

"Ok, I have a question. You know Dad?" Seth started.

"Yes, Seth, I've met your father." Kirsten laughed.

"You know what I meant. I mean when he screws up, which, which is often, how does he fix it?" Seth rambled.

"I'm not going to answer that." his mother replied quickly.

"Damnit I was afraid of that." Seth said, covering his ears.

"Seth. Language."

"Yeah, yeah. Well, like, you guys don't fight THAT much. I mean, how do you keep from arguing all the time. Like don't you get sick of each other? I mean you have been together for like EVER. Don't you get sick of him? Like what makes you still feel like you've got more to do? If that makes sense."

"Well first of all, we have YOU to deal with. We have to present a united front. It makes things a whole lot easier in that respect. We just depend on each other to keep us from being worn out COMPLETLEY. Most of the time we don't have time to argue. We did before we were married, though. We were still in that 'I can't get enough of you phase' where we were together all the time, and if we weren't making out, we were arguing. The two of us are just so different. And for awhile, everything was to the extreme. I loved every minute of it, but it was still to the extreme. I mean, we were never in a fight so big that we would just give up. It was like we both knew that I would just say I was done arguing and we would be fine."

"Why were you always the first one to drop it?" Seth asked, amused.

"Have you met your father?" she retorted sarcastically.

"But did you know right away that you were going to end up like this?"

"Oh, of course not. But I think I just trusted Sandy right off the bat, and I knew that I could never be hurt any worse than I had with Jimmy, so I just decided to give it my all. And it was worth it. After a few months, I think both of us knew that we would end up together. We were just crazy about each other." she said, smiling.

"How do you know that Dad was too?" Seth asked, for once, interested in a conversation about his parents.

"Well, if you think he's bad about misbehaving around me now, you should have seen him then." Kirsten replied, narrowing her eyes, and smiling at her son who was making a disgusted face. "Why the sudden interest?" she said, changing her tone.

"I was just wondering how you guys got so like PERFECT for each other. I mean, its gross, I'm not gonna lie, but you guys are still--like-- perfect for each other." Seth said quickly, covering up his interest as much as possible.

"Well, I guess the fuel just never ran out. You have to learn to take things slow sometimes. I don't think we took things slow enough, when we were younger. Don't get me wrong, I still think that we were practically made to be together, I wouldn't be anything that I am today if he wasn't with me. But still, you can't burn everything out all at once. You have to gain enough respect for each other, and make sure that what you're doing is worth it. Seth, your heart is one of the most important things you can give someone, the decision to give your heart to someone is also one of the most important decisions you can make. So, make sure that you've got it all right, before you do something stupid that will cause you pain and regret later. And I'm not saying that you should be so careful never to get close to anyone, but just make sure you know how deep your getting in. You're a smart kid, you'll figure it out." Kirsten told him, putting her hand on his shoulder, and looking at him intensely, and then smiling.

"Thanks mom." Seth said seriously, looking up at her.

"No problem honey. We should get going. I don't want you to be late. I'll go tell your father we're going. Where's Ryan?"

"I'll go get him."

"Hey baby, you heading out?" Sandy greeted his wife with a kiss.

"Yeah. You'll never believe what Seth just asked me." she said, seemingly amused.

"What's that?"

"He wanted to know how we got so perfect for each other."

"Yeah? Well what did you say."

"That because he was such a difficult kid we needed each other to keep from going insane. And that we were practically made for each other."

"Hmm. Well that was nice." Sandy said casually. Kirsten playfully hit him on the arm. When he dramatically feigned pain, he pulled her by the waist closer to him and she wrapped her arms around him. He kissed her once, a short peck, and a second time, lingering fervently until Seth's voice broke them apart.

"MO-om. Let's go. I don't want to walk in on anything inappropriate so I'll just wait in the car." Seth called. Kirsten rolled her eyes, looked at the clock, confirming that she did, indeed have a good five minutes, and then turned back to her husband.

"When did you know, that we were perfect for each other?" Kirsten asked, suddenly.

"I think somewhere I knew I wanted to be with you before, but I don't think I was willing to admit to myself how in love I was with you until after-- the accident-- you know. I thought I had almost lost you." Kirsten nodded, smiled and kissed him again.

"See, the funny thing is, if you were completely over Rebecca when we met, you would have realized it was more than a fling sooner." she responded.

"You're probably right."

"I'm always right." she said, smiling.

"You know what I mean. For the most part, I couldn't be dumped by another perfect girl completely out of my league in the same year."

"Rebecca's a perfect girl completely out of your league?" she interrogated sternly, stepping back, raising one eyebrow.

"You know what I mean. I couldn't bear to be hurt again, by the perfectly beautiful and intelligent and fun and did I mention beautiful you." Sandy scrambled together.

"Yeah, uh huh. I better get going- Seth is getting antsy, I know it. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, I'll call you about lunch. I love you."

"You better." she leaned in to kiss him quickly before grabbing her jacket. "Love you too."

------

_My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing."  
But I am not really worried I am not overly concerned  
You try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself  
To make yourself forget I am not worried  
"If it's love," she said, "then we're going to have to think about the consequences."  
She can't stop shaking I can't stop touching her and..._

_Yes, _he thought_, I have all the time in the world._

**Hehe. Ok I know this isn't exactly like cutesy kandy that I normally attempt, but I think its more important I get on track with the plot… Hopefully I'll update this soon! Please review and tell me what on mars you think! What you like/hate/want to change or throw in a sandwich… all that jazz… I'd love to hear from you!**


	4. I Can't Stop Touching Her

**Ok. So yeah thanks for reading this after I didn't update like all summer. I'm a terrible person. But anyway I have the entire fic done and in my documents file all edited and ready to go, so I thot id just post it like nearly all at once! Please review like every chapter cus a lot is going to happen and I want to see your guys' reaction to everything! Hehe I know, I'm high maintenance.**

**Chapter 4: I Can't Stop Touching Her**

**_My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing."  
But I am not really worried _**

**_I am not overly concerned  
You try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself  
To make yourself forget I am not worried  
"If it's love," she said, "then we're going to have to think about the consequences."  
She can't stop shaking I can't stop touching her and..._**

After four rings, a beep sounded, and Charlie and Sandy's voices flooded through the receiver.

"_Hey you've reached Charlie Griffin--"_

"_And Sandy Cohen"_

"_We're not here so leave us a message and we'll be sure to get back to you. More likely Sanford than me. Just kiddin' Claire baby!" **Beeeep**._

"Sandy. Hi. It's me-- Kirsten-- again… I'm sure you knew that. Well-- just because what other girl is calling you? Right? I mean-- there shouldn't be another girl calling you? Right? Jesus, I'm starting to sound like you. Hmm… well I would assume you're at class or something, otherwise you'd probably be with me… right? Ok then…. I'm just sitting at home… trying with all my might to NOT study for awhile… unfortunately its terribly difficult… so just call me back when you get this… I'll be waiting."

Kirsten hung up the receiver and grabbed Sandy's Berkeley sweatshirt sitting on the back of the couch. She pulled it on, and wrapped her arms around herself, leaning back into the couch, shivering despite the infernal heat of mid May. She heaved a sigh, and inhaled the obvious taste of extreme boredom.

Her relationship with Sandy was better than ever, or so she thought… why hadn't he called in two days? She couldn't get a hold of Claire or Charlie either, so she had resorted to calling Sandy and leaving him multiple messages.

_Where is he? Why didn't he call me after the other night together? We insist that this is "casual dating" but it's not like he's seeing anyone else… right? This HAS to be a real relationship… like he calls, most days, we ARE together, right? I mean, I have one of his sweatshirts and like fifty of his stupid show tunes albums for God's sake!_

Instantly, someone knocking on the door interrupted her train of thought. She got up to answer it and sure enough, Sandy dropped the flowers he was holding to envelop her in a hug and a kiss.

She broke away almost immediately, however, and started interrogating him as if _she _were now the law student.

"Sanford Cohen, where the hell have you been for the past two days? Hmm? After we spent that PERFECT night together, dinner and dancing, the whispering in my ear and kissing me, and above all--_sleeping_" she said, lowering her voice as to only be heard by him, "with me, completely SWEEPING me off my feet… and then you just CHOOSE not to call for two days, and all of a sudden you are completely unreachable? Why would you put me through that? You know I like you A LOT… I thought you felt the same way…" she said finally, staring at her feet in concession.

"Well well, look at little Miss lawyer-- the other night really was perfect, wasn't it? I'm really, really sorry babe, I've been completely swamped. Charlie is god-knows-where off with Claire, and between internships and my exams this week, I was going to call you--"

"But you DIDN'T! Sandy, I was worried sick, I figured you were dead! Or worse-- off with some other girl! What was I supposed to think?" she paused, before adding defensively, "and it's not my fault I sound like a lawyer. I've been hanging out with you too much."

"Technically, I did not break the three day rule. " Kirsten gave him an 'I-might-shoot-you' look before he continued, "You know," Sandy said, trying to sneakily slip his arms around her waist and get her to forget her argument, except she pushed him away. "When you argue and get all worried about me, it's really hot. Like I just get the sudden urge to do this…" he lifted her chin with his fingertips, and kissed her tenderly.

"That's it? I'm not good enough for the-" Kirsten began to argue, but Sandy cut her off with another kiss, dragging her closer to him and intensifying the kiss. "bedroom." she finished quietly, after he pulled away and looked at her with a grin playing across his face.

"No, see, I just figured I should probably win you over before CARELESSLY _ripping_ MY sweatshirt off of you." he said, airily playfully, throwing one hand up in the air, only to be snatched and held by Kirsten, weaving her fingers with his as if her life depended on it.

"Well you better get to it because you've got some brownie points to earn back, mister." Kirsten pointed out.

"Yes ma'am!" Sandy said, saluting her before Kirsten grabbed his hand again and drug him inside.

"WAIT!" Sandy said, after stepping over the threshold. Kirsten held her breath for a moment, but didn't let go of his hand.

_He's not going to change his mind is he? Oh, God, what did I get myself into?_

A loud roar sounded outside and there was a purplish flash of light flooded the room, and just as quickly exited.

"Come outside with me." Sandy said absentmindedly. He led her by the hand, in the opposite direction of the apartment.

"Sandy! It's pouring rain. Why are we going outside? You're insane." Kirsten said, not taking him seriously.

"No, c'mon-- it's a heat storm… thunder and lightning and hot rain; we'll go out for like ten minutes. Besides, we have a thing about making out while we're wet. We got hit by a sprinkler before our first kiss. Don't deny it."

_Sure. He uses something sappy to win me over. That and that stupid puppy dog face. Too bad it's working. Shit. Now I'm going to get all wet. This is just asking for a head cold. He's going to be so pleased with me tomorrow. If he calls…_

"Please Kirsten…?" she hesitated, and finally relinquished.

"Fine, but only a few minutes; we'll get sick."

"Wow, look at you, first a lawyer, now a doctor… good thing its only like a thousand degrees outside. C'mon it will be over soon! I don't want to miss it!"

"Oh no, that would be terrible…" she replied sarcastically. Sandy kissed her quickly, thanking her silently for coming with him.

He led her down the three flights of stairs and out the door as fast as possible. The faster he ran the tighter Kirsten held on to his hand, and the louder she began to shriek as Sandy pounded towards the storm.

Opening the door to the muggy, drenched exterior, Sandy inhaled deeply, absorbing as much as he could of the fresh rain's scent. He shut his eyes, his smile relaxed and exhilarated, every grain in his body electrically charged with passion and spark.

Kirsten watched in amazement, wondering just how wrong she had been about this guy, he was not the shy and silly boy she had met at a party. Well, he was still silly. But he seemed to get so much more out of life than he had that first night when _she_ had been the energetic one when they went on that first walk together, before getting attacked by that godforsaken sprinkler. Maybe he was just happier now… yeah… he was.

_Because of me…_ Kirsten smiled at her thought as she watched Sandy howl loudly at the storm, even though there was no moon present.

Lightning flashed all over the sky. Sandy opened his eyes, as he noticed the brightness. He turned to Kirsten, smiling toothily, who just stood watching him, absentmindedly, not paying attention to the storm.

He released the hand the hand that held hers and turned to face her, putting his left hand on the small of her back, pulling her close to him, and kissed her, stroking her cheek with his right hand. After a short and tender kiss, Sandy broke away from her, plunging his gaze into unfathomable paradise of her blue eyes.

"Kirsten, I just want you know I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. And I know that I did, but that's the last thing I wanted, believe me. I'm willing to take this leap if you are. Even if you aren't. I'll wait. I'll see your heart, and I'll raise you mine."

Kirsten could feel her cheeks burn with a satisfying intensity; it was as if she was gushing out her insides, glowing at his cheesy sincerity. Her mouth lost all capability to form words. Her vocal cords were frozen. Her lips, however, found their way back to Sandy's. Her left fingertips swept over the 5 o'clock shadow that had accrued across his cheek since that morning's shave, while her right thumbed through the thickness of his dark hair at the back of his head.

He pulled her closer, pressing her chest to his heart, feeling hers beat rapidly against the vigorous pounding of his. He started to move, for the rain was still falling, the violet lightning bolts still lighting up the night like neon, and they were both wetter than water itself.

He pulled away and pulled her by the hand as he raced her back up the stairs and into Kirsten's apartment, spinning her around by surprise over the threshold.

Kirsten shrieked in the pleasure of his silly romantic side. Sandy set her down on the ground again, and kissed her, pulling her close and dancing terribly to music in his head. Taking the lead, Kirsten waltzed them over to the couch, and pushed him down onto it, and soon joined him for a feverish mess of kisses.

Making out on the couch turned to heated making out in her bedroom. Heated making out turned to him taking off her clothes and stitching towards foreplay, but before Sandy could return to her lips after leaving a sufficient mark on her neck, she stopped him suddenly.

"Sandy?" she asked him quietly, and rather nonchalantly.

"Mmm?" he replied, covering her lips again.

"What are we doing?" she said, breaking away from his lips long enough to ask him.

"Well that's sort of a silly question isn't it? You really aren't so good at that lawyer bit." he said, laughing at her sudden nervousness.

"I mean-- like, in the bigger sense. Are we together or just hooking up, or just using each other to get over our exes, or 'casually dating' like see-eight-people-at-once kind of dating? I mean what's going on?" she started to ramble.

"Well no matter what we're doing, I seem to have rubbed off on you." Sandy said with a bit of amusement in his voice.

"Don't mock me!" she said, feigning defensiveness.

"Never!" he replied, playing along.

"Please, just answer me. I need to know."

"Well, to be honest, I was never just hooking up with you, or using you to get over Rebecca, or seeing seven other girls in addition to you. I mean, it was more like four." Sandy answered her, joking with a straight face to lighten the situation.

"Sandy!" Kirsten swatted him playfully.

"Kirsten!" he replied, in a mock high-pitch voice. "Ok so I'm only seeing you right now-- you know that, I like you a lot, I'm not just hooking up with you, or using you to get over her. I am over her, because of you, but I like _you_, a lot. And I hope this isn't anything casual!" he explained.

"So are we together then?" she asked nervously.

"Well, only if you'll let me be your boyfriend." Sandy said, trying to take control of the awkwardness.

"Of course." she replied smiling, and kissing him. "As long as you never pull what you did the last two days!" she added quickly.

He kissed her button nose and pulled her closer. "Well now that what we're doing here is settled, may we continue?"

"You better…" she smiled and leaned into his kisses, satisfied with his answer.

_She seems so insecure about it… I'm not insecure about this. Why should she be? I know exactly where we stand. We are 'officially in the relationship'… guess…why is she making a big deal about the terminology, I mean; I want to be in a relationship, right? This is what I want. SHE is what I want. Not a girlfriend, Kirsten. Kirsten is what I want. I am happy about this. I AM happy about this. Charlie doesn't know what he's talking about. Besides, this isn't anything super-serious, no one is dying, no one is getting legally bound to each other tomorrow, and we are just together._

"Sandy?" Kirsten asked, awhile later, as they both lay in her bed, his arms around her bare body as they drifted off toward sleep.

"Hmmm?" he replied, half asleep.

"I'm really happy about this." she said, smiling. Sandy didn't reply. He just pulled her closer, left a few kisses on her shoulder and arm, and nuzzled her neck: making sure she knew he was happy too.

And so we hereby mark the beginning of the relationship following and expanding on the principle: "Actions speak louder than words…"

**_This time when kindness falls like rain  
it washes her away and Anna begins to change her mind  
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days," she says  
and I'm not ready for this sort of thing_**

_------_

a/n-Ok this was a short chapter, but I've gotten in the habit of writing like 8 chapters at the same time cus I'll get an idea for one while I'm writing another… hmm yeah… so new posts soon this time? Please please please review… please? Stick in there, I know what you guys want to read about… its written and its coming soon! Oh, credit for the "I'll see your heart, and I'll raise you mine" goes to bell x1... Its one of my fave songs by them!


	5. No Sleep in a Quiet Room

** Ok chapta 5! here we go... hehe please review... this is an important chapter in my timeline of events. in facto, we only have one more after this. im sure you'll be glad to know im posting it as soon as i get some good reviews! hehe im bad. but im serious. its in my documents box and i just have to throw an a/n on it. i even spell checked it already.  
**

**Chapter 5: No Sleep in a Quiet Room**

"Dad, please, I'll have the numbers to you by Friday."

"Kiki-- if I wanted substandard work--"

"DON'T call me Kiki, I hate it. I never want to hear it again. EVER."

With that, Kirsten left her father's office, and stormed into her own, slamming the door shut like she was still fourteen and forbidden to see and R rated movie. She didn't even notice Sandy sitting on the couch inside, taking out the deli sandwiches he had picked up for a surprise lunch for his wife.

"Well, hello there." Sandy said, commenting on her rather dramatic entrance. Kirsten rolled her eyes, dabbing them, and sitting down next to her husband, and burying her head in his shoulder.

"Wanna tell me what's up?" he asked, stroking her hair adoringly.

"I'll give you one guess. Starts with a 'my' and ends with a 'dad.'" Sandy chuckled at her.

"I never would have guessed." he replied sarcastically.

"I absolutely HATE it when he calls me Kiki, hate it, like can't stand it, it brings me to tears…" she blurted in one hasty breath, and afterward, she dove into the comfort of Sandy's shoulder.

"Well, I can see why it would be annoying, but tears, honey, don't you think that's a bit much?" he tried to rationalize with her, knowing in a moment he would regret that decision.

"No. Absolutely not. Not after what happened with Charlie." this immediately puzzled Sandy more.

_Charlie Griffin? My Berkeley Charlie? What could possibly have happened with him, Kirsten and the nickname Kiki?_

"Wha-what are you talking about?" he asked, trying to cover up his semi-panicked frame of mind.

"I don't know if we've ever really talked about that night-- did we. I don't think I've ever talked about it to anyone. It wasn't instant, Sandy. It was just easier for me to tell everyone that. I'm the only one that knows different. And I think I owe you the whole story."

Sandy's eyes searched her for the moment where she would tell him that she wasn't serious. Clearly, that moment was never going to exist.

Heat and Berkeley stayed together over the few months, as did Sandy and Kirsten. Both twosomes were completely inseparable.

On a humid August evening, Sandy and Kirsten were out with friends, just relaxing at a party before the stress of school took over their lives again.

With classes starting in just two short weeks, most kids were trying to get as much immature partying out of their system all at once.

Charlie fell into this 'immature partying' category, and was currently able to be found literally super-glued to the toilet, because he had kept falling off and puking on the floor. The group taking care of him had gotten sick of cleaning the floor up after him, and figured it would be easier if he couldn't go anywhere, and therefore they _could._

And, so therefore, Sandy and Kirsten found _themselves_ standing over Charlie's contorted form bickering in whispers as to not make him sicker from the noise.

"Sandy! You can't just leave him like that, he's completely wasted, and I don't want him puking everywhere." Kirsten argued.

"Hello, Danny and the guys freaking' SUPER GLUED him to the porcelain. It's not like he's going anywhere." Sandy retorted, trying to suppress a laugh.

Kirsten ignored him. "I'll take him home. You _could _just come with me." Sandy seemed to have quickly dismissed this thought.

"Well you don't have to leave, stay here, with me. His own girlfriend should be doing this- not mine." Sandy tried, softly taking her hand, which she threw back at him.

"His _best friend_ should be doing this, not me, or any other girlfriend, his or anyone else's. You know if it was you, Charlie would stop whatever he was doing with Claire and take you home. He would take you home." she snared back at him.

"Actually, _Kirsten_, I would expect _you_ to take me home." he looked at her seriously, folding his arms across his chest.

"Look, your friend's in trouble, your friends are my friends right? I'll just run him home quickly and be back in like 35 minutes. Ok?"

"This is your house; you can't leave your own party."

"Just answer the phone if it rings, 'kay?" she said, turning away to try to pry Charlie loose.

"Yeah, yeah…" Sandy walked off in defeat.

20 minutes, and a cut-up t-shirted Charlie later, Kirsten dragged him off to her car, and heaved his body into the passenger seat of her small Honda.

She climbed into her own seat, and pulled out onto the street after starting the little blue Accord.

Charlie and Sandy's apartment was only a few minutes away, and she was fuming mad at Sandy for not just taking Charlie home himself. He could have taken himself home while he was at it.

Kirsten approached the intersection. She checked her blind spot, and changed lanes into the left hand turn lane. Her left arrow signal shifted from red to green, after the oncoming traffic had already gone.

She turned left, but a huge pickup truck taking their free right-on-red turn struck the right passenger side of the Honda as they crossed two lanes of traffic as they turned.

Kirsten's car spun forty-five degrees counter clockwise, pushing Charlie's side of the car inward, crushing him fatally. Kirsten's neck flung around and hitting her head on the steering wheel and then on the window created a large gash on her head. Everything went dark for what felt like a moment of eternity.

----

"Ssssandy? A-ah-are ya there?" Charlie started to slur, hardly able to breathe. Kirsten stirred, tears in her eyes, she was stuck between the steering wheel and the window on her side. She reached out painfully to Charlie, trying to grab his hand and help him. It looked pretty clear right now that he wasn't doing too well.

"Charlie! It's me, Kirsten, hold on, they're coming, they're coming, just talk to me, keep holding on, we're gonna be ok-" she pleaded and begged him hysterically. He cut her off midsentence with a calm and painful whisper.

"Don't let him screw it up, you- you're… you're so good for him…You may not understand now, but its ok, you guys are right. Promise me…" he asked quietly, Kirsten looking more and more confused and desperate.

"What are you talking about? Charlie, they'll be here soon, we're gonna get out of here." Kirsten could only pray that someone was calling for help. Only God knew that they both would need it.

"Sandy. He needs you. I'm not gonna be ok, but you… you, Kiki, you're gonna get out of here, one of us has to, for him, and it has to be you." Kirsten gasped and reached out for his hand again.

"Charlie, don't talk like that," she replied earnestly.

"Kiks, its ok, just promise me…" he paused again. She urged him on with her wet eyes, "that you guys will stay together. You're gonna be together and get married, and one day-- you're gonna start a family…"

Kirsten sobbed at her friend, as his voice was slowly fading, and the pain of the impact and still being drunk etched in the lines in his face increased.

"And they' they'll be good kids, and they are gonna be funny and beautiful, and smart-- so smart, and they'll sing and argue with you…but they'll be perfect and you guys are gonna live in a big house with a yard and you-- you and Sandy will be perfect, and after you guys are old and grey and have had a full, long, happy life, then it will be ok for you guys to go. Not now though, you…"

He paused, to try and meet her hand, as she cried at poor Charlie. "You've got a lot left. To say to him, to _do _to him, Kiks…" Kirsten sniffled a short laugh.

"But you're not going now. Sandy's a good guy, and you are a great girl, Kiki. You guys deserve each other- like _made_ for each other. Made to live the life that I'd always hoped for. Just tell him…"

He shut his eyes as a tear escaped his eyelashes "tell him… tell him I'm sorry I won't be there to watch you guys, and be there on your wedding day and still be makin' out when your eighty." he tried to smile at her.

"And tell him that he better not ever do anything bad to you, just to love you. Yah' know…" his voice started to squeak as he sounded like a little boy.

"Tell him that… I- I love him- he'll always be my-- my best man. And you-- you know the rest. Take care of him." Kirsten kept sobbing, and nodding, and Charlie kept bleeding.

"Charlie, don't talk like that, we'll be ok, I promise."

"It's ok, just promise?" his voice finally starting to give. Kirsten nodded tearfully and tried to apply pressure to the gash on his forehead. She squeezed his hand, and felt his go limp. That was the end for him. Sixty seconds of blood.

"Sandy…" Kirsten looked down at the uneaten sandwiches, and then up at her husband with puffy red eyes.

He bowed his head in some sort of defeat, strands of black hair shading his forehead. He took her hand in his, and pulled her close to him, kissing her temple.

"You mean… he-- he suffered? Like it wasn't instant?"

"No. I'm so sorry I never told you. I'm sorry I broke his promises. I- I guess I never could deal with it myself. Charlie just called me Kiki, after we got in that wreck… and I always just thought about that night whenever my dad called me that. I just didn't know what to do. I watched a man die.

Your _best_ man. I remember being so-- humiliated, knowing that he was right, and I was lying about the fact that I would be ok. We both knew he wouldn't make it, yet he was the only one who could bring himself to accept it.

He spent his last moments telling me that we were going to be together, and that we were right together, and that we need to live the life that he had always hoped for.

He told me that he was _sorry_. All I could think about was you, how _sorry_ I was that I argued with you, how I might never get to see you, or hold you, or kiss you again. And I was so scared that we would never live happily ever after." her voice broke into a soft sob, and she fell into Sandy one again, and he stroked her soft hair.

"It's ok, baby, honestly I think most of us were better off knowing that he didn't feel anything. He was such a good guy; he deserved a pain-free death."

"I know. That's what I thought too… so I figured if I could create that in any way, you and Claire would be better off. She asked me if he told me anything about her in his final moments. I figured it would be easier if I just said he never got the chance then to say no." Sandy chuckled guiltily.

"Easier for us both."

"I'm sorry. I should have told you. But know you know… I guess. It was such a long time ago. I just hate to have to think about it every time my dad addresses me."

"Honey, don't beat yourself up over it. Charlie was a great guy, and I'm glad I finally got to know what he said about me when he knew he would never be able to take it back." Kirsten smiled at him, and he pulled her into a tight hug.

She shut her eyes, inhaling the scent of his cologne. "And he's right. What matters, is that I love you, and don't you ever forget it." Kirsten pulled away, and kissed him lightly.

"I love you too." she smiled at him, and he once again thanked god that it had not been her that was taken that night.

**_So maybe I should  
Snap her up in a butterfly net _**

**_Pin her down on a photograph album  
I am not worried--_**

**_I've done this sort of thing before  
_**

**_But then I start to think about the consequences_**

**_Because I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and..._**

----------------------------------------------

**Hmm… the drama! Lol. so you can def. tell i just took drivers ed, right? I really didn't know why she hates the name kiki so much… there was that once scene with Julie where she's talking about the candy that gets stuck in her teeth, but I cant remember what Kirsten said… hehe so yeah I just spun that around a little… Tell me what you thought! The aftermath of the accident: next chapter! Find out just what Kirsten says to Claire, and what Sandy says to Kirsten… mr. commital-phobic! There has to be a transition for him somewhere, and you already know where that is! Wow! In media res is fun! Please review! Wow this a lot of exclamation marks!**


	6. Anna Begins to Change my Mind

**Ahh, the final hurrah! Last chapter now! hehe be sure to review! and i would just like to thank everyone who did the whole time, you guys are the best! **

**Chapter 6: Anna Begins to Change My Mind **

Sandy had rushed to the hospital as soon as he heard. Claire had called him into her bedroom, a pale shade hijacking her skin tone. She wrapped her arms around herself, looking at her feet and shaking her head frantically, as if that might change what had happened.

The only thing he had been able to think of was Kirsten, and why nearly an hour and a half later she was not back yet, when she had promised 35.

So now, he sat in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs, thinking of everything but that. All he could think about was her. How she had to be ok. Because Charlie was gone. The doctor said it was instant; there had not been any pain.

Sandy found that he was automatically sickened by the fact that that piece of news caused every emotion but relief. In fact, not only did that inflict a terrible whirlpool of emotion in him, but also the physical gut ache, the splitting headache making him feel as if he were forty, and the numbness in his hands was so significant that he could not feel them shaking uncontrollably.

His mind was running races with itself. Mainly it was Charlie and Kirsten's voice just running around in circles, calling out his name in every tone imaginable.

"_Saaanford!" his voice was excited, a party tone that desperately tried to pick up women._

"_Sandy!" Kirsten snapped. He had just done something stupid, and she was trying so hard to keep a straight face._

"_Sandy," Charlie was trying to convince him that his 'master plan' was, in fact, a fabulous idea._

"_San-dyyyyy!" she was using the puppy dogface to get what she wanted. He, of course was complying._

"_Sandy…?" Charlie whispered, a look of defeat and guilt spread across his face, the reason only one he would confide in his best friend with._

"_SAN-dy!" her voice came out as more of a moan, as she could feel the satisfaction rising in her, that only he could provide._

"_Ssss...Sandy?" he looked hurt and disoriented. Sandy pictured this as the last way that Charlie would have ever said his name._

"_Sandy, I want to be with you too. " This too, was hardly above a whisper, so only he could hear, but everyone would know._

_**This time when kindness falls like rain  
It washes me away and **_

_**Anna begins to change my mind  
And every time she sneezes I believe it's love and  
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing**_

The names grew faster, more frantic, more upset. He felt sick to his stomach, remembering he had drank a few beers himself this evening. A dry heave coursed through his trunk, shooting a surge of panic down his spine, but that was it. He didn't think he had the energy to throw up. All of that needed to be saved so that when the doctor showed up to talk to him about Kirsten, he would be able to move his legs more than a few inches.

And speak of the devil, the doctor, a man in his early 40's or so, dressed in a too-clean white lab coat. The fact that his coat looked _too_ fresh for the occasion could only mean one thing; something bad had happened in the operating room, or so Sandy would think.

"Those waiting for Kirsten Nichol?" Sandy shot up, having been praying that he would be able to since the moment the doors swung open.

Claire, who had been sitting with him the whole time, got up as well. Her eyes were still puffy and red. Her knuckles were white, and her cheeks, too, resembled a child's white linen sheets.

"Yes?" Sandy asked, frantically. "Is- is…" he pulled himself together for a moment. "How is she?" Claire looked as if she might start crying again at the thought of losing both of them at once. It was bad enough that they had both already lost Charlie. What was worse was that Kirsten might be about too go too. She did not think _she_ could handle it, let alone Sandy. He would be a mess.

"She's out of surgery, and in the ICU recovering still. She is still heavily sedated, and is not awake yet. It might be a few hours. Surgery went surprisingly well…" Sandy felt his stomach, which had been in his throat, fall back to his abdomen. "And we are happy to report that she only suffered a mild concussion, a broken rib, but also a femur. Femurs _are_ life-threatening brakes, but we were able to make sure that the fracture did not touch the femoral artery. So, after a few months of recovery, she should be perfectly fine."

All of the doctor speak went in one ear and out the other. All that he heard was that she was going to be ok, and that was what mattered.

"So when can we see her?" Sandy asked.

"Ummm, I would give it a few hours, she might be awake then. Plus, she might have been moved into a private room by then. So, maybe around noon, or so. I would suggest you two go home and get some rest."

"Thank you, doctor." Claire added. Sandy nodded and they turned around.

Outside, he hailed a cab and they silently drove back to Sandy and Charlie's apartment.

Sandy shut his eyes, feeling the burn of the tears that threatened to fall. He was not sure of the emotion he was feeling, but still, the tears fell. And he too, just fell straight on his bed and fell to a desperate, yet restless sleep.

He woke up what felt like moments later, but the bright sunshine and birds chirping gave away that it was late morning. Sandy was angry at the fact that it was so nice outside. How the sun could still rise, even though his entire world had fallen apart last night.

_Insignificance, it is really a lovely feeling to wake up to._

By noon on the dot, Sandy was back at the hospital, while Claire had stayed back to meet Charlie's parents. Kirsten's were probably at the hospital by now. Sandy had not pictured this the way that he would meet her parents. He had always thought that Kirsten would be, well, conscious.

Finding her room on the seventh floor, he brought his bouquet of white lilies, Kirsten's favorite, inside with him, shutting the door behind him. He found a woman, probably in her late forties, sitting beside the bed, presumably Kirsten's mother, Bridget.

Kirsten was not awake yet.

He did not know where Caleb, her father was, and was not too keen on finding out. From what he had heard, meeting Caleb was not going to be a funfest for Sandy.

"Hello, you must be Sandy. I'm Bridget Nichol, Kirsten's mother. Please, come sit." the woman was warm, polite, and was chillingly resembling of her daughter. It killed him to see so much of her in another person, even if it was her mother, while the Kirsten he knew was not awakening yet from a traumatic surgery.

"Hi, Mrs. Nichol. It's very nice to meet you, given the-- circumstances."

"She's a tough one, my daughter, and she'll be ok. I am going to go find my husband, so why don't you sit with her awhile?"

"Ok, where can I find you if she wakes up?"

"Don't you worry about that, we'll be back soon. Just stay here with her."

"Alright." His gaze was still transfixed on Kirsten's limp form, tied up to tubes and IV's and her leg was raised in a splint. His head was still pounding, but he could not think to complain. Her pain was more like a thousand times of his at the moment. He couldn't think hardly at all anymore, so he did what he did best, ramble, for the fact that this was definitely more than a fling had finally struck him.

"Kirsten, I just want you to know- and I should be saying this while you are awake, but I am the way that I am. And normally, girls just think that I'm some loser that doesn't know how to shut up. But you, Kirsten, with you, I saw the me-- inside you that I am like outside.

But then, I moped because I thought that I would never again have what I wanted in life. I thought that I would never again fall in love. That I was done.

And Charlie was the one that told me that I didn't need a woman to fall for. He said I would be just fine playing the field, having fun, waiting and seeing if I could ever even be the 'settle down' kind of guy.

Then I met you. And I tried to tell myself that we were nothing serious, and that I was not as attached as I really was.

But I fell for you-- hard and fast. Faster than I realized, until now. And it just sucks that it took something like this to happen. I couldn't risk being hurt again. And that was selfish of me not to believe in what was actually happening just because I couldn't handle it. I just hope it's not too late."

"Sandy…?" Kirsten's voice had stirred his monologue for a moment. He took a moment to pause, take her hand in his, and kiss her softly.

"Let me finish. I just have spent a long time wondering when things were going to start making sense.

Then I had you, and things didn't have to make sense anymore. I lived for the moment. What made sense at the moment was up to par.

I wasn't being honest with myself. And because of it, I almost lost you. I realized, in the balance what it means to be completely happy.

Anyone could be completely happy. All they have to do is ignore everything that is bad around them. I did that. And I was completely happy with you.

But I've grown past that. I don't want to be completely happy. No one can be completely happy and still be real. And I can't compromise myself to be that ignorant.

But, what I can do is be _honestly_ happy. Meaning, that I can accept what sucks, and learn to cope, learn to be amazed by the fact that I am a living, breathing, loved human being-- loved by you.

And I can be amazed by the fact that I've never had a feeling-- whether it is good, bad, right, or left-- that was this acute before. Not about anything other than what I feel for you. Maybe it's love, I think it's love… maybe I'm just a kid that's confused and falling for a dream that I am going to wake from any second now, but I've never felt that stomach-lurching, heart-pounding, adrenaline-rushing, feeling before with something that wasn't synthesized in a rollercoaster.

_**She's talking in her sleep  
It's keeping me awake and **_

_**Anna begins to toss and turn  
And every word is nonsense but I understand and  
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing**_

And if that's what I'm going to get when I am with you, then that is what it takes for me to be completely honestly happy. See, I would say that no one knows what it feels to be like this; except for I know that you feel the same way.

I know that you would give up ignorance to be honest with yourself, if it meant being and feeling this way with me, even though I would never ask you to. You know you would. I know you know you would. You know I know you know you would- I know you know I know you know you would- you--"

"Sandy! You're starting to become ridiculous!" her voice was firm, but exhausted.

"Sorry, I just--"

"I know." she smiled lightly.

"Kirsten you promised me that you would never hurt me like this you know that I can't lose you. I can't lose you… Please."

"Sandy, do you honestly think that I am doing this because I feel like it? Hell, I'm not even doing it! Please, honey, just stay with me. I'm gonna be fine. Please. Just stay with me. Please." she begged him, her eyes beseeching his.

"I'm never going to leave you voluntarily. It'll take a lot more to get me away from you. I love you so honestly and completely much. I don't even know if that's grammatically correct but I'm sure as heaven, hell, and this moment that it's true. And if I can't be with you then I won't be with anyone else. I'm sorry if I didn't know that right away, I was too scared to find out, but now I know that I need you more than ever. I promise."

"Sandy…"

"You're gonna be ok. I promise. I'm not gonna lose you too."

"I love you too."

"Good. Because I don't know what I'd do without you now…"

"Shhh… you don't have to tell me, I already know, just hold me." she said, her voice drifting off, and her eyes closing.

"Ok baby, whatever you want."

Kirsten Cohen found her husband on the couch, sneaking a peak through their seventeen-year-old son Seth's DVD collection.

"Wanna watch one with me?" he asked her as she approached, pointing to the case full of movies.

"Sure." she said, sitting down and curling up on one side of the couch, leaving room for Sandy to come cuddle. He had selected some film that Kirsten was sure to fall asleep by the middle of, and he could mock the plot to himself without being interrupted by her pleas to shut up and watch the movie.

Joining her on the couch, Sandy put his arm around her, pulled her close, and put a light blanket over the two of them. He left a light kiss on her temple, pushing a strand of blond hair behind her delicate ear.

"Kirsten?" Sandy asked.

"Sandy?" she replied in a light sarcasm.

"I've been thinking about what you told me the other day-- about Charlie." he felt Kirsten shrink in his arms. Her hand tightened in his. "I think that was the first time I ever told you I loved you." she smiled before she spoke.

"Yeah, it was. It was tucked inside one of your finer rambles, if I remember correctly."

"I think I knew it before though. I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier."

"Well, I think we've made up for it over the course of our marriage. And I'm pretty sure I knew it too." she turned around to face him, and kissed him lightly.

"Good, because I would never want to miss an opportunity to tell you that I love you. In fact, I love you. And I still mean every word of that ten minute ramble." he said, smiling toothily as if he was still a nine-year-old. Kirsten laughed at her silly husband.

"I love you too." she leaned into kiss him, finally on the road to peace with what happened to her after that accident over 20 years ago.

**_Her kindness bangs a gong  
It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away  
It's chasing me away _**

_**She disappears and  
Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing **_

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**Alrighty, then. I hope you guys liked the end, it wasn't too cheesy or anything! Thanks for those of you who update, I love you all! Any feedback is greatly appreciated.****_  
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